I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
