my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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