just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
