I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize