he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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