Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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