Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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