Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Randomize
