you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
