I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
