Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
