matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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