In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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