I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
