i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
