Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
