her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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