Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
