Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
