im six kinds of drunk right now
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
