After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
