If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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