the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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