You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
