Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
