he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
