also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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