Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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