So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
