Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
