if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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