5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
