I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
