As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
