You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
