my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
