Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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