A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
