I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
