Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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