If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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