Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
