Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
