if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize