god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
