2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
