If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
