Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Farmville is her only friend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
