just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
