go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
