yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
