even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
