I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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