Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
