He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
