You're completely useless in the revolution.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
