my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
