There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize