there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We need to rekindle our bromance
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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