Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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