Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
