either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
