i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
