Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She said her name was "party"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
