Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
