Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
