She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
