I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
