If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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