I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
