If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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